why do serial cheaters want to stay married

As for the parking lot confrontation, do you prefer a nice chianti, a chardonnay, or perhaps a nouveau beaujolais? Unless you absolutely cannot get over the fact that your partner cheated, a one-time thing doesn't automatically have to mean the end. None the less, here we are, still fighting our way through all the crap the ea has thrown at us, and surely but slowly, seeing the fruits of all our hard work. "Essentially they will find a way to create time and space away from their mate early on to avoid raising suspicions later on," he says. If that would have happened, should would have had my husband, my children, and my home as well as business we established together. Yes parking lot ass kicking she will understand. Consider his actions since youve found out about the affair. I hope and pray that you find peace soon as well as a loving support system. They survive and thrive when no one shuts the behavior down. Yes your husband fell for cousin Its sob story because he had to in order to justify the affair. Everything I read says He, His, and even This Man. I heard his fake laugh and I swear my hair caught fire. Th, I dont place eyes in that category the ow in my life is placed either, I place eyes, in the same rank and position as my h, one that was used by someone who was self serving and manipulative. The pig is there wallowing in the mud with other pigs. His needs are paramount and everyone else exists just to fill them. Well fast forward 6 months and I realized we hadnt seen much of john. Same here man. This is how they live; basically, their whole life is built around being able to score with another person. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience. The spouses inability to have personal boundaries and their commitments to their primary relationships. They feel a sense of entitlement. Your marriage endured the proverbial fire and it has come out as pure gold. Warning : Ive had a wine so shouldnt be posting. A meeting that led to kiss that led on eventually to two affairs probably wouldnt have happened if Id been married. BTW we have had the no opposite-sex rules of no lunches, no texting without disclosure of whats going on, but he does not ever at all follow the rules except the lunch one. I also think they get a bigger thrill from being in an affair with a non pig rather than another pig. Shame and embarrassment especially when you tell what happened to your circle of friends. The truth is many cheating husbands stay married because they still love their wives. He was an addict first and far most. It may reflect future behavior. If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. But even more, I would say evaluate your marriage and figure out if there are any areas where you can be proactive to ensure it doesnt happen again. It doesnt matter what job you have (or the ap has) there will always be another you or another him and it will happen again until you wont allow it to happen again. But, I am glad you are standing up for yourself by removing yourself from the situation. Unstable emotional regulation. Others who aren't as exposed to cheating, may do it one time when the opportunity presents itself, feel remorse afterward, and never do it again. When we talk about the ow, Im sure you know we are not meaning you, your one of us, really, you have been seeking out help and support, just like us, just a little bit on different sides of the fence. "Narcissists are preoccupied with feeding their ego, which makes them prime candidates to be serial cheaters," she says. I would show up unexpectedly and calmly tell her that she needs to stop. "It might really be just what you want to hear and not the truth," she says. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. Yet seriously, I think with time, the place in our minds they take u space in will eventually disappear, and they will just be a distant memory, that is so insignificant, that we just couldnt give a rats ass, about how they treated us, how they manipulated the situation to their advantage, how they tried to destroy the life we know, because you know why? Talk about not knowing that you dont shit where you eat!!! 2023 BDG Media, Inc. All rights reserved. It was also good of you to write the wife a letter of apology. Amen. He stands to lose too much if he leaves. To quote facebook, If you want to act single, be single. 20. It's easy to do because they're eerily good at it. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? Do any of you ladies have any advice on what I can do to up the ante with this female co-worker who will not go away? But seriously, your Hs other woman was extremely manipulative and she knew how to use a mans innate need to be needed and to rescue a woman against him. All rational thinking gets shoved out the window, when they dont want to see whats right in front of them. I am not shy but he made me blush and nervous and heaped a lot of praise and attention on me. Never cared, it wasnt my business. I returned to work after having and raising kids and felt overweight and out of the game. You have heard this part analysis from our other lovely ladies here, but wanted to add my two cents, for whatever it is worth: You said: I remember liking him as soon as I met him. Now hes trying to bide his time until he can figure out his next move. This man was very nice. I have let him know before how he attracts these types, but he is genuinely naive about this because he is just being himself. What this study says is that when you put all of those things together, for men, personality characteristics are so strong they bounce everything else out of the model.. According to Dr. Nelson, the claim, "once a cheater, always a cheater" isn't necessarily true. Being cheated on twice, or three times. Jeddy, again I am so sorry about everything you are going through. Some of them are truly relentless and have no shame and do not even try to hide their intentions. I hate to say it, but with my H I have to be very firm with no chance of ambiguity on my part. Youve fought and worked hard for each of them. That doesnt mean I dont like them, Ive just moved on I guess. Now, my husband thinks, that because she lives with her boyfriend and owns a house with him, that she is lonely to have another couple to befriend. Therefore, he doesnt believe theres any reason for his wife to find out. Before we know why they want to remain married, lets talk about a Serial Cheater. Its kind of like gaining immunity to the guilt you feel when you tell a big fat lie. Why Does Your Partner Constantly Cheat? - Psychology Today When he is at work, he is always in a jolly mood, he is a team player, and he loves to make small talk about safe topics such as the books he is reading. One-time cheaters are less likely to manipulate your relationship in a way that suits their needs. He knew exactly what I was mad about and what he had done. It was a beautiful time, but you know that was as tainted as they come, of a wedding anniversary. This leads to resentment and seeking affection elsewhere. Honestly, what I think is ideal is just to feel detached from them. I remember wanting to wallop my AP when we got caught after a couple of weeks he said you wont tell (my wife) about (my previous AP), will you?. He IS a tosser! Dealing With Repeated Infidelity in Marriage | Marriage.com Trust in your spouse may be important but that paradigm is forever altered and is unreal. I let people drift in and out of my life and dont really miss them when they re gone. My kids will be taught what an older female colleague told me: When a man at work complains about his marriage, tell him he should be having this conversation with his wife, then walk away. It will be just a matter of what your personal threshhold for pain . You tell yourself that all that was just an illusion because your partner was also capable of such lying and deception. Marriage is supposed to be the ultimate refuge, and when we break. I cant use the female charm, oh honey when you do such and such it makes me feel, blah, blah, blah No I have to say, listen heres whats going on in the other womans head when you converse with her in that manner you silly SOB! But I also pick my battles. Now if youre a pig to begin with you dont mind wallowing in the mud with other pigs (ie in my Hs OW case, shes a pig, she knows shes a pig) but nice, decent, conscientious women like you arent pigs you just werent using good judgement and you allowed yourself to be swept off your feet. The cheating occurred early in the relationship. Do it sister:). Answer (1 of 19): I was just 18 when first married. The disruption of sleep, eating, work, relationships. Don't feel bad if you've ever fallen for a cheater's false promises and lame excuses for canceling plans in the past. Q: How did the affair evolve and what were some of the clues the wife could have seen? "Unpredictable contact is part and parcel of the cheater's profile.". It is clear that your affair partner was a very troubled narcissist and that he was just looking for easy pickings in terms of the next victim. Anyhow thank you for your valuable insight. If your closest friend, lover, and confidante are capable of hiding this second life and all their cheating ways, how can you believe that anything you see is the real deal? How to deal with a partner who can't stop cheating They Keep Telling Themselves They Will Change. I truly believe shes a very nice person who got sucked in by a self serving narcissist. So I think he was just going back to his old behaviors that he carried on with when I wasnt here. But thats another story ! Anyway. Lol Let's walk through the 6 reasons that a wife should ALWAYS leave a cheating husband. My husbands whore flat out admitted that it took her a long time to get him to fall. If Id had a history of cheating, he would be just another one, and not special;. 4. It helps that his other girlfriend started smashing his windows and slashing his tires and keeping him on a tight rope. And f its tingly, you keep going back for more. If a person is unable to control their impulses, they may be more likely to cheat. I will never understand it, but I do realize such people exist and we have to keep one eye open at all times rather than lulling ourselves into a sense of false security. Oh, no! Know the 9 Common Traits of A Serial Cheater So You Can Decide, Follow our journey as we save our marriage after an emotional affair. "In truth," Wish told INSIDER, " [cheaters] are deeply insecure people who feel flawed, unloved, angry, and, ironically, robbed of something that they needed emotionally in life as a child.". So TH the quick answer is no she didnt reply. Or is the emotional damage just too deep? And guess what? They take his jovial-ness personally while ignoring all of the times he talks about being happily married. In some cases, seeing what else is out there may make a man realize how lucky he is to have his wife, especially if the affair was disappointing. Just strange. I really appreciate your input. Other men are afraid to hurt their wives. Until she finally needed that sucker to hold her hand, as she had finally decided to walk away from her h, and go for a divorce, unfortunately she decided to target my h, after I had told her that he had helped out several cousins, that that was the only reason they called him, and nagged him when they needed something from him. He has reeled it in a lot over the years in terms of being more cautious around women. Yet today is the day. (Meant with all sarcasm). This is because when a man loves you, having an affair isn't on the cards for him. LOL but he knew she would. If he didnt want to talk to the ow, he would turn his phone off. They are masters at seeming believable," Wish explained. He said, ohh he spoke to her terribly. We have spoken openly about my view of how this happens and he validates my feelings. Yep he was stupid enough to invite the camel into the tent. I just dont see how an affair could happen giving the context. I will never understand this, for many reasons, but knowing it exists, I am pro-active. Doug and Linda, maybe yall could do an article on nine traits that indicate you are less likely to cheat. She goes on to say, "They aren't all alike. If he wasnt angry, she wouldnt have had you listen, as that doesnt show him as being a bad exh. If so, that's a blatant red flag your partner might be doing something suspicious. That was because he knew that one day he would come home and see me and our children gone, I had already made arrangements for a place to stay, which he knew about, so he knew I was dead serious, at nolonger waiting for him to choose his family over her. In the beginning of every relationship, there's a honeymoon phase when everything's coming up roses, and you can't keep your hands off each other. Many men and women go years without knowing that their partners or significant others have cheated until they see the affair firsthand. . Love it! She claims that he is the sole heir to a banking fortune. People dont value cheating much when it happens before marriage, but it becomes more sinful when its done after a marriage relationship. 6 Signs He Will Cheat Again (Serial Cheater Personality Traits) Sure they can overcome it but it will take a lot of personal fortitude and work and even then they still know they can do it AND get away with it for a while. In one hes the responsible husband, and in the other, he gets to be wild and crazy. So, EyesOpened, even though you went along with the affair for a while, I feel like you kind of didnt stand a chance against this guy and he knew it and so he pursued you. For instance, if someone is in an environment where cheating happens a lot, they may be more encouraged to cheat. (And his friendlyness is in no way flirtatious if that makes sense. Not wishing to stir but I do wonder how many BSs on this site are being hoodwinked into believing that this was their hs first crime, when actually there were more that were never disclosed? My h knew before how much he meant to me, and now he knows even more, and he shows me more than ever before. He lost his new wife, she divorced him immediately, lost his business, I mean shut the doors and he was literally living in a crack house completely using again. He doesnt spend much time at his place of work like he used to, he always tries to be out, or closes and locks the doors there so no one knows he is there, just in case she shows up at his door. (And thats before Karma kicks inwhen Karma starts to do its work watch out!). HEY WAIT, isnt that what my own semi narcissist husband did to me???? But if your partner starts seeing other people behind your back, don't be surprised if the first sign of infidelity is distance.

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